From the Mind of Babalu... Confession

I follow a lot of very interesting people on social media. A lot of things I post, write about, or ideas for the blog come from these people. Last night while scrolling Facebook, I ran across a shared post that really hit home for me and has a lot of truths, one way or another for all competitors out there. This was written by a BJJ Black Belt by the name of Tino Martinez. See the quote below.

I compete, because I hate it. I hate it, because I'm afraid. I'm not afraid of my opponent. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of letting my teammates down. My family down. And most importantly, myself down. Afraid of training as hard as I do only to come up short. I compete, because I choose to not let my fears control me. I will not let fear of failure dictate what I will and won't do. I choose to confront my fears. To overcome them. To overcome my self-doubt. To overcome that voice in my head that tells me I can't. I compete to show my kids that fear shouldn't dictate what they strive to achieve. I compete.

Now for me, I used to compete quite a bit, then suddenly something happened. I just stopped, even after a great accomplishment like placing 3rd in the IBJJF Masters Worlds, I just stopped. It wasn't like I wasn't a successful competitor, because I was. I lost my first match as blue belt, took second as a blue at the IBJJF Houston Open and didn't lose again until my last match as a purple at the Masters Worlds. I never quite understood what happened. Where did that fire go to? How come someone who has competed in most major sports and one at a pretty high level just suddenly not want to compete anymore? These kinds of questions have been in my mind for a few years now.

Sure, sometimes life gets in the way and you may not want to compete as much, but there is nothing like testing your BJJ against someone else who has put just as much or maybe more mat time as you. So this was my excuse, life got in the way. I have 2 kids with busy schedules, I don't have time to put in the extra work on the mat or in the weight room for Strength and Conditioning. Didn't have the time to meal prep and keep my weight on point to be a steady competitor. I was just too busy (or lazy you choose) to make the commitment. I know that probably 95% of today's competitors are just like me, family, career, difficult schedule, bills, etc... There aren't very many that are just plain professional BJJ competitors so it had to be something else.

Then I read that quote and a light went off in my head! If this was my quote and it would read like this. Here's the Confession

I don't compete, because I hate it. I hate it, because I'm afraid. I'm not afraid of my opponent. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of letting my teammates down. My family down. And most importantly, myself down. Afraid of training as hard as I do only to come up short. I don't compete, because I have chosen to let my fears control me. I have let my fear of failure dictate what I will and won't do. I have chosen not to confront my fears. Not to overcome them. Not to overcome my self-doubt. Not to overcome that voice in my head that tells me I can't. I need to compete to show my kids that fear shouldn't dictate what they strive to achieve. I will compete!

So thank you Tino Martinez for posting that very inspirational message last night! You have opened my eyes to my truths and my fears of competitions. This has lit a fire under my ass and hopefully I will get back to it soon. I hope this message helps out anybody else who has the same kind of fears as I do or make the same excuses as I do. Competition is not the be all end all of BJJ, but there is just a special kind of feeling that you get when you represent your Team, your Professor, your BJJ, and yourself on the mat! See you on the mats!